rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
