she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
