hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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