Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
