Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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