So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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