you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
