I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
