She's JV to your varsity
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
