I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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