she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
