I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize