no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
