I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
