Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
