For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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