oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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