1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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