so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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