I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
