Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drunk is not a location!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
