she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
