Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I know her cup size but not her name....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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