Your dad touched me again.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
