I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
