I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
