My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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