I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize