Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
