I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
What a dumb baby whore.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
