that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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