I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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