I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
