Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
