Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
