Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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