i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
