omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
