So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
