Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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