You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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