Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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