i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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