he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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