Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Blood and glitter go together right?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize