i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
