Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
