matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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