People in love make me want to vomit
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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