I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
