problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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