you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
