I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He felt like a one man threesome
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
