i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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