oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
