Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
