she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This is the high leading the old right now
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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