I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
