dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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