DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
