Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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