im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
