Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
