Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
