Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
