If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
