Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
