You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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