and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize